The third train,
May, 7th 2018
I still remember this date, still remember the event, still remember how wild the butterflies. And deep inside I wish I could turn back time.
Everytime I know we’ll part our ways in the nearest hour, I’ll cry to my last drop. And I’ll hold him tight like he is the only person i had left. I wished he could see how much I love him. I never wanted to be in a distant with him. Because I know, I need him.
That morning, i woke up earlier than ever, forget butterflies, because it felt like i had a whole damn zoo in my stomach: I was so excited to meet him after a month or more not being able to look at him in real, not being able to smell his sweet scent which is my favourite, not being able to be with him so near. We call, we text, and even facetime daily, but the feelings will never really be the same- because he is there instead here, he is never really here but there, there’s time I wished him to be closer, nights I prayed he is near, because he had a spell on me; every tears and every pains I’ll have to go through seems much more easier with him here. You see, I blew him all of my strength, because he let me hold on to him, and that made me stronger than ever.
The whole morning, my family were teasing me. A lot. My family’s whatsapp group was all about me meeting him today. I know that day was meant for me. And that happy was finally on my side. The whole car ride was filled with questions from my mom wanting to know about him more, and my excitement of finally meeting love again- God knows how hard my heart beats that i even miss some words from the songs I was listening to. I look out to the road, counting the meters as I passed by- As I finally killing the distance between us. Oh the feelings.
I reached my mom’s office, kissed her goodbye and she only told me one thing before I walked to the train station ‘Dont be a burden for him’ I noded and walked away. I climbed the stairs, I know i could only waited him there at the brigde, but I wanted to be the first person he sees when he stepped out from the train. So I take a look at the man who was working at the counter, and he was busy playing his phone so I slipped myself into the entrance, and sit- patiently waiting for his train.
Not long the first one arrived, I stood up, smilling, the aunty beside me was looking at me and smiling- maybe she had seen a few sweet hellos here, at the train station. Some bodies started to walked out from the doors, but there is not him. Sigh. I took my sit. Waiting. Then there is the second train. Again, i stood up in all smile, yet there is still no him. Sigh. I took my sit back and received a text from him ‘one station more baby’ I smiled the wildest and not long I see a train coming from the other side. I waited for a minute or two, which i thought was so long that I thought it was the wrong train again. Until suddenly I heared his voice from my back. ‘Hi sayang’.
God knows how bad I was holding my tears and myself from hugging this man I love most- but I didnt because days back, he said he would want us to change. And that include not touching, I respect his decision and hold myself really bad.
We walked to the entrance, and he put his arms around me, I was shocked but relaxed as that is the safest place I’ve known in this world; His arms.
We took the grab and he let me hold his hands. And I did. Now how I miss his soft warm hands.
We walked and talked and I never let him so far from me. We got lost. We played a few. But I knew its the day I had him all to myself. I knew The whole idea of letting him in and growing with him is real. I love him. I know I do. I look at him at times he wasnt looking, and god knows how I see perfection. I was in total awe. This one man. Only this one man. The sweetest gift god had given me. He is the only one man, that slips and I would still take his hands. The only man that think he done me worse, when he had done me is so much better. The only man, I prayed to god my hardest.
And until know, each time I see a train passed by, My heart will be in ache, the train station hold my sweetest hello. Which I prayed I’ll get it to do it again, soon.
I still remember this date, still remember the event, still remember how wild the butterflies. And deep inside I wish I could turn back time.
Everytime I know we’ll part our ways in the nearest hour, I’ll cry to my last drop. And I’ll hold him tight like he is the only person i had left. I wished he could see how much I love him. I never wanted to be in a distant with him. Because I know, I need him.
That morning, i woke up earlier than ever, forget butterflies, because it felt like i had a whole damn zoo in my stomach: I was so excited to meet him after a month or more not being able to look at him in real, not being able to smell his sweet scent which is my favourite, not being able to be with him so near. We call, we text, and even facetime daily, but the feelings will never really be the same- because he is there instead here, he is never really here but there, there’s time I wished him to be closer, nights I prayed he is near, because he had a spell on me; every tears and every pains I’ll have to go through seems much more easier with him here. You see, I blew him all of my strength, because he let me hold on to him, and that made me stronger than ever.
The whole morning, my family were teasing me. A lot. My family’s whatsapp group was all about me meeting him today. I know that day was meant for me. And that happy was finally on my side. The whole car ride was filled with questions from my mom wanting to know about him more, and my excitement of finally meeting love again- God knows how hard my heart beats that i even miss some words from the songs I was listening to. I look out to the road, counting the meters as I passed by- As I finally killing the distance between us. Oh the feelings.
I reached my mom’s office, kissed her goodbye and she only told me one thing before I walked to the train station ‘Dont be a burden for him’ I noded and walked away. I climbed the stairs, I know i could only waited him there at the brigde, but I wanted to be the first person he sees when he stepped out from the train. So I take a look at the man who was working at the counter, and he was busy playing his phone so I slipped myself into the entrance, and sit- patiently waiting for his train.
Not long the first one arrived, I stood up, smilling, the aunty beside me was looking at me and smiling- maybe she had seen a few sweet hellos here, at the train station. Some bodies started to walked out from the doors, but there is not him. Sigh. I took my sit. Waiting. Then there is the second train. Again, i stood up in all smile, yet there is still no him. Sigh. I took my sit back and received a text from him ‘one station more baby’ I smiled the wildest and not long I see a train coming from the other side. I waited for a minute or two, which i thought was so long that I thought it was the wrong train again. Until suddenly I heared his voice from my back. ‘Hi sayang’.
God knows how bad I was holding my tears and myself from hugging this man I love most- but I didnt because days back, he said he would want us to change. And that include not touching, I respect his decision and hold myself really bad.
We walked to the entrance, and he put his arms around me, I was shocked but relaxed as that is the safest place I’ve known in this world; His arms.
We took the grab and he let me hold his hands. And I did. Now how I miss his soft warm hands.
We walked and talked and I never let him so far from me. We got lost. We played a few. But I knew its the day I had him all to myself. I knew The whole idea of letting him in and growing with him is real. I love him. I know I do. I look at him at times he wasnt looking, and god knows how I see perfection. I was in total awe. This one man. Only this one man. The sweetest gift god had given me. He is the only one man, that slips and I would still take his hands. The only man that think he done me worse, when he had done me is so much better. The only man, I prayed to god my hardest.
And until know, each time I see a train passed by, My heart will be in ache, the train station hold my sweetest hello. Which I prayed I’ll get it to do it again, soon.
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