wild rose

The greatest disease today is not Tb or leprosy: it is being unwanted, unneeded, unloved and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicines, but the only cure for loneliness, despair and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread, but there are many more dying for a little love. - Mother Theresa. A lot of people ask me what my biggest fears is, or what scares me most. And i know they expect heights, or ghost, or cockroaches, but how do I tell when what I scares most is love- along the fact that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it .  And I said that because I've been there too.. my clingy side he once love, is now what annoys him most, questioning the time he won't spare, my little space he once giggled, is now mistaken as the sign of abused, and immaturity, my sickness, who need lots of care, was once the time he would hug and kiss me most, but now its a burden for him too, and s...

May, 7th 2018 I still remember this date, still remember the event, still remember how wild the butterflies. And deep inside I wish I could turn back time. Everytime I know we’ll part our ways in the nearest hour, I’ll cry to my last drop. And I’ll hold him tight like he is the only person i had left. I wished he could see how much I love him. I never wanted to be in a distant with him. Because I know, I need him. That morning, i woke up earlier than ever, forget butterflies, because it felt like i had a whole damn zoo in my stomach: I was so excited to meet him after a month or more not being able to look at him in real, not being able to smell his sweet scent which is my favourite, not being able to be with him so near. We call, we text, and even facetime daily, but the feelings will never really be the same- because he is there instead here, he is never really here but there, there’s time I wished him to be closer, nights I prayed he is near, because he had a spell on me; ever...

‘Stop it! You cant be like this just because of a man’. ‘Where’s your iman?’. ‘You have your friends who love you’. ‘Put that knife down right now!’. .... Do you really think, those are the words i wanted to hear?  Yes, you might think that those are the i need to hear. That those are the words to remind me. To bring me back. But not all the words i need to hear, are the words i wanted to hear. And if you think those words bring no harm to me, well youre wrong. Those are the words that made the tip of the knife so close to my skin...  If you know me well, you should have know all those pains. All those long roads i had to take. All those tears i screamed. All those negativity. All those people hiding knife at their backs. All those. All those things that wanted to bring me down. But none ever get the job done.  And nothing ever really breaks me.  But cant you hear my screams now ? Tell me you didnt really heard me begging for help ? Tell me you cant...

૪ THE BEGINNING OF TWILIGHT ૪ What a beautiful sight:         The sky is from all shades of blue: from the darkest Space, to the lightest Maya, with a hint of frosted tulip and reveree. The birds start to whistle on the trees, while the moon starts to give the sun its way. Lily is standing on the small balcony, breathing the fresh air, thinking what would ever go wrong today.         At the class         The first day of class, it is so quiet, and the wall painted in white is making Lily feels like she's in a clinic. People are whispering their hellos, followed by their names with the person beside them, trying to make new friends and the situation less dead. Not long, the door is pushed, and a man making his way to the table. He introduced himself as Sir Nick before he asked us to the same: first day of class thing. After one to another, Lily tried to remember everyone's name, yet her brain can only recall a few....

I wonder if people ever really knew me. If they really ever saw me when I was whole. Once. Some said I changed. Some said I'm just not me. Some said I am being.. fake? Well, this is my answer: Everyone knows that people grow: just like the trees you planted at the back of your house when you were 3. As you’re breathing, you’ll grow: beneath all those waves of laughter, all those rains of tears, all those sorrows, and all those feelings you’re having. I can't promise that I’ll stay me, the me 10 years back. And I can't promise me as a whole for now. I lost parts of mine throughout the years I’m growing. And believe me, I know the me now is not the me I dreamed to be when I was 9 years old, the me now is not even the me I wanted. But that doesn't make me a failure, that just make a .... much more of a human. I don't know in which term of me or which lifetime of mine you once know. But the me now isn't whole, and the me now is as weak as the angel’s feathers I ...

‘Why is it so hard for you to forget him?’ A simple question that I’ll still answer with my shaky voice while my eyes are fully crystallise.  Sigh.  What made you think it’ll be easy, to forget someone whom I once wanted to spend my entire life with? I already have taken my relationship to a new level, the moment I wanted to spend my entire life with him. And I know, once I decided that, I began brewing a possible future for the both of us in my little mind, and it was the most beautiful, and the happiest thing I could ever imagine. Day and night, I knit a perfect world for both of us, using the threads colored with love, commitments, and compromises. We both could do things that pleased both of us. We could enjoy listening to the same song. We could walk side by side holding hands while getting bathed in the sun or drenched in the rain or stay awake at night, stargazing into each other’s eyes.  ‘But he left you’  Yes, he did. I knew it as soon as he...