Tell me things, i want to hear.

‘Stop it! You cant be like this just because of a man’.
‘Where’s your iman?’.
‘You have your friends who love you’.
‘Put that knife down right now!’.
....

Do you really think, those are the words i wanted to hear? 

Yes, you might think that those are the i need to hear. That those are the words to remind me. To bring me back. But not all the words i need to hear, are the words i wanted to hear. And if you think those words bring no harm to me, well youre wrong. Those are the words that made the tip of the knife so close to my skin... 

If you know me well, you should have know all those pains. All those long roads i had to take. All those tears i screamed. All those negativity. All those people hiding knife at their backs. All those. All those things that wanted to bring me down. But none ever get the job done. 

And nothing ever really breaks me. 

But cant you hear my screams now ? Tell me you didnt really heard me begging for help ? Tell me you cant see my tears turning the dry desert into an ocean of agony ? Tell me. Tell me now, while im still here. Breathing the same air. Tell me you didnt notice. Tell me if the signs are still so blurry. Tell me. 

‘You’ll be fine soon. Time heals’. 

Cant you understand? Havent you seen enough? Can you stop believing, for once?

Not everything can be fixed. And not everytime that time will heal. 

Because if they do, you wont be hearing one shooting a gun straight into his head. Or that shes taking drug. Or those knives covered with human blood. 

So, as much as you and i likely believing fairytales, we need to sink ourselves more towards the depth of reality. And that  at times, not everything will go to the way we like it to be.

So can you stop now, telling me that things will get better for me. Or that I’ll be better more that even. Or that the freaking time will heal me eventually. Because right now, and by that right now, I’m pointing those sleepless night i had. Those night i cant see a thing fo my eyes are fully crystallise. Those days i break apart. Those times when i hugged myself and could feel my aching soul and the sound of crushing bones and heart. And those days in the future I’ll have to go through just the same.

If you still insist telling me time heals, and that I’ll be better, then go. Go to someone grave, and tell they’re going to be alive again. That they’re going to resume thair lives like no death had occurred. Can you? Or can them?

‘what happened to you?’ 

Broke. Dead. Unhappy. 

Or whatever you want to call it.  

If its not seeing through those crystallise eyes, then it will be all about those dead ends. What more? I’m starting doing things out of desperation. I laugh at jokes out of desperation. I flirt out of desperation. I do almost everything out of desperation. Just to let people see and think that I’m fine. Just to lie at myself that I’m fine. Like look at me I’m laughing, I’m flirting and I’m totally fine. I do things like i used to do. Out of desperation. And no one ever notice that? 

And for you, who broke me, who killed me leaving my dead soul in this body. 

This is for you, my love. 

Why, why did you leave me here to burn? 

Though you know fire and I are so much alike, 

Yet I’m still too young to be this hurt, 

I feel doomed in each rooms I entered, 

Counting wounds while trying to numb them all. 

Why, why dont you care? 

I gave you all of me. All. 

My blood, my sweat, my heart. And even my tears. 

I was there, always there when no one was, 

Now that youre gone, I’m still here. 

I have questions for you, my love, 

First, tell me how you got the nerve tearing my faith apart? 

Second, why would you try and play me for a fool?

Third, what happened to the you, you swore that you would be? 

Fourth, what happened to our love, the love you promised for ever ? 

What happened to the ‘I’ll stay, as long as you want me to’, 

Because I know I still want you here,

Still need you near, 

But where are you, 

When the tensions are high, 

You spit me out, 

Where did I go wrong? 

Why wont you fix us. 

I scream in my dreams, 

I bleed in my sleeps, 

I died right under the sun, 

And never I missed to say your name. 

Come back, silly.